Adventures In Koopland

Discussion in 'The Studio Lounge' started by JHDK, Feb 11, 2017.

  1. JHDK

    JHDK Release Robin's Bra

    i'm giving this a nice title because i intend to post fun things about my life in here at some point. like a "meme loves" or a "wolf's den" type of thread. however, this first post will not be one of them.

    as you guys know by now, i'm a pretty even 33.3% split between coward, hypocrite and procrastinator. as a result of this, when i had my little driving incident in 2013 i just ignored it. at the time they took me to jail for the night and then let me out ROR. i didn't have any bail to worry about so i just put the whole thing off. for 3 years! now of course when you do something like that and miss a court date you get a warrant put out on you. turns out, if you're white and live in boca raton it is rather easy to avoid getting pulled over for 3 years. thing is, at some point i needed to renew my ID. can't really do that when there is a warrant out. so around august of last year i finally got a lawyer and decided it was time to take care of all this. just getting to the point to where all this can finally see a day in court takes months. there was a ton of back and forth between my lawyer and the assistant state attorney. at first she wanted me to do 30 days in jail. after months of negotiating, we worked it down to 10 days -1 for the original day spent in jail at the time of arrest. so i was off to jail for 9 days!

    and that's where i was from 2.2 until 2.10. luckily it wound up being only 8 days because they let you out in the early morning hours, i was on my way home yesterday at around 7am.

    turns out, jail is WAY less scary than i had anticipated. i knew i was going in for the 9 days about 2 weeks in advance and oh boy did i work myself into insanity worrying about what it would be like.

    here is the rundown of my jail experience:

    day one (2.2) i go to court. i go before the judge and get my sentence. it is 9 days plus a year probation and 150 hours community service and a drunk driving class. after the judge rules i go over to the bailiff and empty my pockets. he then calls in a second bailiff who cuffs me and takes me out a side door of the court room. from there they take me down a couple stories and into the courthouse holding cell area. there they strip me out my shirt and shoes but let me keep wearing everything else. they put me in a cell with 1 other guy and i wait there for around 4 hours. in those 5 house the cell fills up a bit. once there are around 6 people in the cell it is time to transfer me to the main palm beach county jail. they take us out, cuffed again, and walk us over to a big, secure garage where they is a police van waiting. it's kinda neat how its a normal van but the whole back is just a metal box with 2 benches. from there it takes about 10 mins to get over to the main jail.

    at the main jail, known as gun club because that is the road it's on, they search me again and them put me in another holding cell.

    just a little aside, at this point they took my legal papers that up until this point i was allowed to keep. that seemed weird to me because these papers included the receipt they gave me as proof of all the stuff of mine they were putting in storage. i was worried about this because all the rest of my property was already put aside and i was scared they might lose them. it wound up being no big deal because i go all my papers back yesterday with no trouble.

    anyways, back in the main PBSO (palm beach sheriff's office) main jail, i was in their holding cell now. this was probably the worst part of the whole ordeal. it was a around 6 hours of sitting in a freezing cold cell with nothing but 2 benches and a toilet. there was no way i could piss in front of the 20 or so other people in this cell so that wasn't the most fun. after the 6 hours and a visit to the nurse they took us all to a changing room where i now how to lose all the rest of my clothes besides my boxers and socks. they put us in blue pants and shirt that would become my uniform for the rest of my time. from here were were split into groups and my group was moved into a huge housing bloc.

    this housing bloc was gigantic. a large semicircular room that was two stories and separated into 2 areas by wall. in this bloc there were 2 guards at a little door/desk area that connected the 2 sides of the room. the guards were there 24 hours a day. in my side of the room there was probably around 60 or 70 people. we had bunks and the good news was in this area there was a separate locker room type bathroom so i could finally go without being directly in front of like 20 dudes. turns out this big bloc was also a holding area for people doing more than just a day. i was in this room for the next 3 days. i met one guy who was just starting a 3 year stint for drunk driving so that was sobering. on the 3rd day of being in this huge bloc they took me into an office for what they call "classification". this is where they once again group us into categories to determine where we will go for the rest of our stay. after the classification, around 5 hours later, they take around 20 of us from the giant cell bloc to be moved. of those 20 only 1 other guy i was originally with went with me to the new, long term housing unit.
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  2. JHDK

    JHDK Release Robin's Bra

    now it is the night of 2.5 and the superbowl is about to start. they take me and this one other guy to our new cell bloc. this was interesting because it was the first time i was literally "behind bars". this new area was much smaller and we were close in by bars. it had a capacity of 19 people and there were only around 16 there. it was one room that had a section for the 19 bunks and then a little area known as a "day room" where there were metal picnic benches for eating and watching the tv. the bathroom was also off to the side of the day room and was also private enough to not be completely disgusting. on the other side of the bars there was a watchtower of sorts. my area housed only 19 people but there were other blocs on either side and below us. this watchtower served as the guard station to monitor all those blocs. while there were guards in the tower it area was actually much less supervised. instead of a guard being there in person 24/7 there was not just an intercom to talk to the guards if communication was needed.

    since the superbowl was on right as i arrived it was helpful as a way to introduce myself to all the other inmates and kinda cement my place as a normal dude. the guy i can into this bloc with went right to bed and that was probably a bad idea because he didn't get to learn the way of things in those beginning hours. turned out that everyone in my new housing area was in there for non violent crimes. there was a lot of violation of probation, breaking and entering, grand theft and drug charges. i had one of the shortest sentences of anyone there but no one was there for more than a year. i learned later that this bloc was something like a minimum security bloc and thus the open layout. the blocs on either sides had actual 2 man cells that would lock at night. (i found that out during rec time by talking to one of the guys i was originally books into PBSO with who wound up going to the bloc next to mine.)

    everyone was pretty nice in the bloc. or at least way nicer than i expected inmates to be. during the game one guy who i would later learn was like an elder of the bloc warned me about how the nights are loud as all hell and not to worry about it. that guy i went in with, who went right to bed, didn't get this advice and at around 5am of the first night he had a bit of a yelling match with another inmate about shutting up. nothing physical happened but it was simply not a good idea to be getting into arguments with the people who had already been there for days or weeks. that yelling match somewhat ostracized him from the rest of us for the remainder of my time.

    we would eat 3 times a day. (the whole 3 hots and a cot thing.) breakfast was at 3:30am, lunch at around 11am and dinner around 5:30pm. the food was every bit as awful as you would expect. from the first day at the court, 2.2, until around lunch on monday, 2.6, i was barely able to eat even half of any of the gross meals. after that i finally wound up getting hungry would eat all of anything they gave us. on the plus side, i could put this in the fantasy fatball thread because i lost 8 pounds in 8 days! there was a commissary were we could order boxes of 7-11 type snacks but they only got delivered once a week so i was not there long enough get one.

    so this minimum security bloc is where i sat from the night of 2.5 until yesterday morning. one day we got an hour or rec time that was a half basketball court of some open air area of the 3rd floor of the jail. mostly the days were spent sleeping and watching daytime tv. i caught a bunch of springer and maury and a couple nighttime amc movies. like i said there was no violence at all. going in i thought there would be fights on a regular basis. there were times when people would get into shouting matches with a punch of "i'll kick your ass" type posturing but nothing came of it.

    yesterday they let me out and i was on my way home by 7am. the saddest part really was when i left the jail there was this pack of cats that waited outside the jail for people to feed them. one guy i was let out with had a piece of cheese he fed them. i didn't have anything and felt so bad to not help out these friendly little cats. kinda dumb but right now that is one of the 2 parts of the whole jail experience that was the most depressing.

    the other depressing part was the phones. i wanted to call my dad to let him know i was ok and see if he was ok but all the calls were collect. i expected this but i thought the person answering the call would simply have to say they accept the call for it to go through. this wasn't the case. in order to call the person you call has to enter their credit card number before the call will go through. my dad has no idea how to do that so i didn't get to speak with him all week. and what's worse i didn't know this was how the collect calls worked until another inmate told me. so for the first 4.5 days i just thought my pops wasn't answering and i was really scared we was dead or hurt or something. thankfully none of that was the case and he is just fine.

    and that's a detailed rundown on my whole 8 day jail sentence. i'll add stuff as i remember it.

    i happy it's over. the worst part is over. now probation and the other stuff is still to come for the next year.

    i'm not worried about probation. despite what i talk about here at times i have not been a drinker or drug user since really when all this went down in 2013. the last time i did any drug was at the phish new years show 2 years ago and i can't even remember the last time i drank.

    also this whole thing was SUPER expensive. the lawyer was 5k. court costs are another 1.4k and i have to pay probation $50 every month for a year so that's another $600.

    here is the jail:

    Google Maps

    i was on the 6th floor of the main building at the beginning and in the 4th floor of the west building for the rest of my stay.

    and that's that. i'm certainly not proud of any of this but it was definitely an experience. i'm happy to have it behind me. another exciting and embarrassing chapter in the book of koop.
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2017
  3. Wolf

    Wolf The Lone Wolf

    Wow that quite a rundown story of what happened, I'm glad that is finally behind you now.

    So did this happened, when you were in jail?

    Last edited: Feb 11, 2017
  4. semipenguin

    semipenguin Cheeseburger Connoisseur

    I would be your bunk mate, Koop

  5. HecticArt

    HecticArt Administrator

    Way to man up Koop!
    Glad you got that knocked out and put it behind you.
    It must be a relief.

    Did you learn how to make a shiv in crafts class?
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  6. scotchandcigar

    scotchandcigar arrogant bastard

    Yes, quite a story. I appreciate all the details. This was a good line:
    i met one guy who was just starting a 3 year stint for drunk driving so that was sobering.
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  7. memebag

    memebag Top Brass, ADVP

    tldr; Did he like taking it up the ass?
  8. memebag

    memebag Top Brass, ADVP

    Also, dang yo! That's a lot of cheddar. You could have bought a Cannondale Super Six Evo HiMod with that money.
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  9. IdRatherBeSkiing

    IdRatherBeSkiing Sherbert is not and never will be ice cream

    I am shocked you could not trade sex for online access to keep posting here at DRC. Such lack of dedication.
  10. JHDK

    JHDK Release Robin's Bra

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  11. JHDK

    JHDK Release Robin's Bra

    now that i'm out i've been watching 60 days in and lockup and getting a kick out of how much worse it is in those shows. i guess it makes me feel better to see my time wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.

    interesting thing i observed is just how many hiding places there were in my bloc. no one had weapons or anything like that but i did see some inmates go get their pills, cheek them, and then give them to another inmate as a payment on a debt. and most of them weren't even fun drugs. being with hardcore addicts i think a bunch of them wanted to take a pill of any sort to try and feel normal. kinda sad, but also neat to watch.

    food was the currency in my bloc. people would constantly be trading all types of food. it was fascinating to see all the commerce happening around every meal and also when the commissary was delivered.

    that was one of the perks.

    that's exactly why i keep going on and on about trying to find the most affordable bike.

    hah! this made me actually lol. i should have thought of that while inside.
  12. scotchandcigar

    scotchandcigar arrogant bastard

    I've been bingeing on Orange is the New Black, and this fits right in.
  13. JHDK

    JHDK Release Robin's Bra

    this is what i look like now:


    jail changes a man.
  14. scotchandcigar

    scotchandcigar arrogant bastard

    Just don't start smacking yourself in the head when you screw-up.
  15. JHDK

    JHDK Release Robin's Bra

    tomorrow is my first probation meeting. there are a bunch of things i've been told to bring and i have all but 1.

    like i talked about in the 1st post the whole reason i finally started to take responsibility for this thing is cause i need to renew my id. so right now i do not have a valid picture id. i have a DMV appointment in a couple weeks so that's what i'm going to tell the PO but it's worrisome cause this woman does have the power to send me back to jail. i'm bringing my SS card and birth certificate and my expired passport so hopefully that's better than nothing. what makes me feel better is thinking about how they must see a bunch of people way worse off than me so i should get through it.

    we'll see how it goes. i'll report back.
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2017
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  16. memebag

    memebag Top Brass, ADVP

    They won't accept a mug shot? Because I have one of yours if you need it.
  17. HecticArt

    HecticArt Administrator

    Good luck.
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  18. JHDK

    JHDK Release Robin's Bra

    everything is looking good.

    the probation visit was easy as can be. she explained all the stuff i need to do and besides pay the court costs (i have a year to get that done) everything else isn't a huge hassle. i do still need to go to the DUI class and that's another $278 and 12 hours so that's annoying but i can bang it out in a weekend and then apply for a hardship driver's license.

    i was able to get an ID card at the DMV today with no problem so i'm happy to report i now finally have a valid picture ID again.

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  19. HecticArt

    HecticArt Administrator

    Atta boy.

    Glad things are shaping up for you.

    Back in my younger more rambunctious days, I could have easily gotten myself into the same situation.
    Fortunately I mellowed out first. Well, that, and the fact that we don't have Publix or hills up here.
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  20. JHDK

    JHDK Release Robin's Bra

    thx hectic. :)

    getting the charge at 29 was a bit too old to chalk it up to a youthful indiscretion. and finally facing up to it at 33 is simply embarrassing. but at least it's pretty much all over now. the worst parts are definitely behind me.
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