Awkward monologues in songs

scotchandcigar

arrogant bastard
Feb 13, 2009
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Vacationland
Every so often, I come across a good song that has a really bad spoken word "acting" part in it; one that makes me cringe. Here's some examples, I'm sure you can come up with many more.

This one is cheesy not only for the words, but the way he says them -
Van Halen – Unchained @2:15

Take a look at this!
Hey, man, that suit is you!
You'll get some leg tonight for sure!
Tell us how you do!
(Come on, Dave, give me a break.)
Hey, hey, hey, hey, one break coming up!


Every time I hear this, I'm like WTF?!
Mott The Hoople – All the Young Dudes @2:35

What dudes?
Let's hear the news come on!
I want to kick you.
Hey you there, with the glasses.
I want you; I want you at the front.
Now you, all his friends;
Now you bring him down, cause I want him.
I want him right here; bring him, come on.
Bring him, here you go.
I've wanted to do this for years!
There you go.
How do you feel?


This one might be intentionally stiff and cheesy, but still
Sonic Youth – Kool Thing @1:40

Hey, Kool Thing, come here, sit down
There's something I’ve got to ask you.
I just want to know, what are you gonna do for me?
I mean, are you gonna liberate us girls
From male white corporate oppression?
Tell it like it is!
Huh?
Yeah!
Don't be shy
Word up!
Fear of a female planet?
Fear of a female planet?
Fear, baby!
I just want to know that we can still be friends
Come on, come on, come on, come on let everybody know
Kool thing, Kool thing
 

sadchild

Dude
Mar 28, 2016
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YOU WIFFOUT ME?! LIKE CORN FLAKE WIFFOUT THA MILK!!


Hey, hey, baby, how you doin'?, come on in here
Got some hot chocolate on the stove waitin' for ya
Listen, first things first, let me hang up that coat
Yeah, 'n' how's your day today, did ya miss me?
Oh, you did, yeah, I missed you, too
I missed you so much I followed you today
That's right, now close your mouth, 'cause you cold busted
That's right, now sit down here
Sit down here, so upset with you, I don't know what to do
'n' my first impulse was to run up on you and do a Rambo
Whip out the jammy and flat-blast both of you
But I ain't wanna mess up this 3700 dollar lynx coat
So instead, I chilled, that's right, chilled
Then I went to the bank, took out every dime
And then I went and canceled all those credit cards
Yeah, all your charge accounts, yeah
I stuck you up for every piece of jewelry I ever bought you
Yeah, that's right, everything, everything, didn't fly with me
Naw, don't go, you ever go, don't go looking in that closet
'Cause you ain't got nothing in there
Everything you came here with is packed up
And waiting for you in the guest room
That's right, what was you thinking about, huh?
What were you tryin' to prove, huh? You's with the Juice
'N' I gave you silk suits, Gucci handbags, blue diamonds
I gave you things you couldn't even pronounce
Now I can't give you nothin' but advice
'Cause you're still young, that's right, you're still young
I hope you learn a valuable lesson from all this, you know?
Gonna find someone like me one of these days
Until then, know what you gotta do?
You gotta get on outta here with that alley-cat-coat wearin'
Hush-puppy-shoe-wearing crumb cake I saw you with
'Cause you dismissed! That's right, silly rabbit
Trix are made for kids, don't you know that?
You without me: like cornflake without the milk
It's my world, you just a squirrel, tryin' to get a nut
Now get on outta here! Ah! Don't touch that coat!
 

Channel98

Don't yell or hit.
Feb 2, 2019
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Elvis Presley delivered a monologue in the middle of his 1960 hit Are You Lonesome Tonight. In 1969 during a performance of the song at the International Hotel in Las Vegas, he changed the line "Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?" to "Do you gaze at your bald head and wish you had hair?" When an audience member removed his toupee, Elvis started laughing and.......

 

sadchild

Dude
Mar 28, 2016
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www.asimplecomplex.com
This one is awkward not for being crazy or anything, it's just plain lame. The words AND his delivery. Can't believe it was a top 5 hit.


Ah yeah, I'm glad I put this tape in
I'm just gon' cruise down the road
Look at the stars in the sky
And drift off into the sweet memories that I have
Of a love that my heart has been searching for
For so long, and I know somewhere
If I keep looking, that love I'll find
The picture grows clearer and clearer
From the back to the front of my mind
And like love, a love I know I'll have
The girl that I want, she'll be mine, she'll be fly, and it'll last
 

Aaron

Moderator
Oct 10, 2008
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I've actually got a playlist I made of songs with spoken parts. (Sometimes it's just the intro of the song, or a shout-out to the guitar player)
Not sure about good and awkward but there's plenty of songs.

(You're My) Soul & Inspiration - Righteous Brothers
Green Green Grass of Home - Tom Jones
Indiana Wants Me - R Dean Taylor
Love is Strange - Mickey and Sylvia
My Boyfriend's Back - The Angels
Remember (Walkin' in the Rain) - Shangri-Las
Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Diana Ross
Are You Lonesome Tonight - Elvis Presley
Atlantis - Donovan
Bullet the Blue Sky - U2
Cantaloop - Us3
Bye, Bye, Baby - The Four Seasons
Chantilly Lace - Big Bopper
Civil War - Guns N' Roses
China Girl - David Bowie
Come Dancing - Kinks
Convoy - C.W. McCall
Do You Love Me - The Contours
Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio - The Ramones
Eclipse - Pink Floyd
Elected - Alice Cooper
Fire - Jimi Hendrix
Foxey Lady - Jimi Hendrix
Girls, Girls, Girls - Motley Crue
Have You Seen Her - The Chi-Lites
Hot for Teacher - Van Halen
Human - Human League
I Thank You - Sam & Dave
I Touch Myself - Divinyls
I've Never Been to Me - Charlene
Leader of the Pack - Shangri-Las
Let's Go Crazy - Prince
Little Darlin' - The Diamonds
Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar
Lil Red Riding Hood - Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs
Love is Here and Now You're Gone - The Supremes
Love Shack - The B-52s
My Guy - Mary Wells
Nights in White Satin - Moody Blues
No More Tears - Ozzy Osbourne
Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf
Patches - Clarence Carter
Reach Out I'll Be There - Four Tops
Rock of Ages - Def Leppard
Rocky Raccoon - Beatles
San Franciscan Nights - The Animals
Spill the Wine - War
Starting All Over Again - Mel and Tim
Steal My Sunshine - Len
Stonehenge - Spinal Tap
Strokin' - Clarence Carter
Talk Dirty to Me - Poison
Cover of the Rolling Stones - Dr. Hook
The End - The Doors
The Girl is Mine - Michael Jackson/Paul McCartney
The Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden
Thriller - Michael Jackson
U Got the Look - Prince
Unchained - Van Halen
Vogue - Madonna
We Built This City - Starship
You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth - Meatloaf
You're the First, the Last - Barry White
Young Lust - Pink Floyd
The Rain - Oran "Juice" Jones
 

semipenguin

Cheeseburger Connoisseur
Oct 11, 2008
24,774
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YOU WIFFOUT ME?! LIKE CORN FLAKE WIFFOUT THA MILK!!


Hey, hey, baby, how you doin'?, come on in here
Got some hot chocolate on the stove waitin' for ya
Listen, first things first, let me hang up that coat
Yeah, 'n' how's your day today, did ya miss me?
Oh, you did, yeah, I missed you, too
I missed you so much I followed you today
That's right, now close your mouth, 'cause you cold busted
That's right, now sit down here
Sit down here, so upset with you, I don't know what to do
'n' my first impulse was to run up on you and do a Rambo
Whip out the jammy and flat-blast both of you
But I ain't wanna mess up this 3700 dollar lynx coat
So instead, I chilled, that's right, chilled
Then I went to the bank, took out every dime
And then I went and canceled all those credit cards
Yeah, all your charge accounts, yeah
I stuck you up for every piece of jewelry I ever bought you
Yeah, that's right, everything, everything, didn't fly with me
Naw, don't go, you ever go, don't go looking in that closet
'Cause you ain't got nothing in there
Everything you came here with is packed up
And waiting for you in the guest room
That's right, what was you thinking about, huh?
What were you tryin' to prove, huh? You's with the Juice
'N' I gave you silk suits, Gucci handbags, blue diamonds
I gave you things you couldn't even pronounce
Now I can't give you nothin' but advice
'Cause you're still young, that's right, you're still young
I hope you learn a valuable lesson from all this, you know?
Gonna find someone like me one of these days
Until then, know what you gotta do?
You gotta get on outta here with that alley-cat-coat wearin'
Hush-puppy-shoe-wearing crumb cake I saw you with
'Cause you dismissed! That's right, silly rabbit
Trix are made for kids, don't you know that?
You without me: like cornflake without the milk
It's my world, you just a squirrel, tryin' to get a nut
Now get on outta here! Ah! Don't touch that coat!
I’ll always remember this part of the monologue...

You without me: like cornflake without the milk”
 
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Channel98

Don't yell or hit.
Feb 2, 2019
4,217
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Glendale CA
Mister Aaron, your list of songs with spoken-word parts includes two by the Shangri-La's but you omitted Give Him A Great Big Kiss, which has one of the dumbest passages ever recorded: "Is he a good dancer?" "Whaddya mean, 'Is he a good dancer?'" "Well, how does he dance?" "Close. Very very close." Is the first question really that difficult to comprehend?

 
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scotchandcigar

arrogant bastard
Feb 13, 2009
14,664
11,422
168
Vacationland
I've actually got a playlist I made of songs with spoken parts. (Sometimes it's just the intro of the song, or a shout-out to the guitar player)
Not sure about good and awkward but there's plenty of songs.

(You're My) Soul & Inspiration - Righteous Brothers
Green Green Grass of Home - Tom Jones
Indiana Wants Me - R Dean Taylor
Love is Strange - Mickey and Sylvia
My Boyfriend's Back - The Angels
Remember (Walkin' in the Rain) - Shangri-Las
Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Diana Ross
Are You Lonesome Tonight - Elvis Presley
Atlantis - Donovan
Bullet the Blue Sky - U2
Cantaloop - Us3
Bye, Bye, Baby - The Four Seasons
Chantilly Lace - Big Bopper
Civil War - Guns N' Roses
China Girl - David Bowie
Come Dancing - Kinks
Convoy - C.W. McCall
Do You Love Me - The Contours
Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio - The Ramones
Eclipse - Pink Floyd
Elected - Alice Cooper
Fire - Jimi Hendrix
Foxey Lady - Jimi Hendrix
Girls, Girls, Girls - Motley Crue
Have You Seen Her - The Chi-Lites
Hot for Teacher - Van Halen
Human - Human League
I Thank You - Sam & Dave
I Touch Myself - Divinyls
I've Never Been to Me - Charlene
Leader of the Pack - Shangri-Las
Let's Go Crazy - Prince
Little Darlin' - The Diamonds
Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar
Lil Red Riding Hood - Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs
Love is Here and Now You're Gone - The Supremes
Love Shack - The B-52s
My Guy - Mary Wells
Nights in White Satin - Moody Blues
No More Tears - Ozzy Osbourne
Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf
Patches - Clarence Carter
Reach Out I'll Be There - Four Tops
Rock of Ages - Def Leppard
Rocky Raccoon - Beatles
San Franciscan Nights - The Animals
Spill the Wine - War
Starting All Over Again - Mel and Tim
Steal My Sunshine - Len
Stonehenge - Spinal Tap
Strokin' - Clarence Carter
Talk Dirty to Me - Poison
Cover of the Rolling Stones - Dr. Hook
The End - The Doors
The Girl is Mine - Michael Jackson/Paul McCartney
The Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden
Thriller - Michael Jackson
U Got the Look - Prince
Unchained - Van Halen
Vogue - Madonna
We Built This City - Starship
You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth - Meatloaf
You're the First, the Last - Barry White
Young Lust - Pink Floyd
The Rain - Oran "Juice" Jones
How many years have you been waiting to unload this list? :banana1:
 

sadchild

Dude
Mar 28, 2016
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@Aaron WOW that's an impressive list!!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, one break coming up!
I love that song. And I like that part too. But yes, it does feel like it's in the wrong song.
Hey, Kool Thing, come here, sit down
Written about when Kim Gordon interviewed LL 'Kool' J and it didn't go well. The first line of the song is "Kool Thing sitting with a kitty" (aka panther)...


Bullet the Blue Sky - U2
Shhhhhhlappin' em down! ONE hundred! TEWWW hundred!
You without me: like cornflake without the milk”
Me too. And also these lines:

You gotta get on outta here with that alley-cat-coat wearin'
Hush-puppy-shoe-wearing crumb cake I saw you with
'Cause you dismissed! That's right, silly rabbit
Trix are made for kids!


Adding these songs to the pile:

David Lee Roth "Yankee Rose"

He talks to Steve Vai's guitar.

[guitar]
What?
[guitar]
Well, let me roll up on to the sidewalk and take a look, yes
[guitar]
Whoa! She's beautiful!
[guitar]
I'm talking about a Yankee Rose
[guitar]
Ha ha ha ha ha
[guitar]
And she looks wild,
[guitar]
wild,
[guitar]
wild,
[guitar]
wild!


2 Live Crew "I Ain't Bullshittin'"

Aside from the record scratching in the chorus, it's one big (dumb) monologue by a guy who barely has a grasp on his own thoughts (or the English language).

Verse 1:

Now what I’m gonna say I’m only say it one time and one time only...
The people who I do offend--if I offend you and you take it in a personal way then personally, I don’t give a damn
'Cause first of all what I’m gonna say now is gonna be very so true, I mean like very true
So, if you don’t like it, fuck you
Now I’m gonna tell you a little something about the little clique we aren't in. We’re not in.
I mean, you know the clique...we travel all around the world on tours with groups and they really don’t like us
You know, a lot of suckers talk a lot of shit about us, and a lot of bitches talk a lot of shit about us
So, uh, we say something like this here...

(record scratching)