Awkward monologues in songs

scotchandcigar

arrogant bastard
Feb 13, 2009
14,646
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Vacationland
My older daughter hates this song. It starts out nice, but the monologue gets creepy-guy rapey.

Shawn Mullins – Light You Up

Everybody wants a flat screen
Everybody wanna be seen
Everybody wanna be famous
Ain't nobody gonna blame us

Everybody wants a real deal
Everybody wanna cop a good feel
Everybody want more money
Everybody wants a taste of your honey

Everybody wants to pick of your guitar
Everybody wanna ride in your fast car
Everybody wants a puff of your pipe dream
Everybody wanna lick of your ice-cream

The preacher wanna tell ya how to live right
Your mama and your daddy got you uptight
Your lover gonna go and pick another fight
I just wanna keep you up all night
 
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scotchandcigar

arrogant bastard
Feb 13, 2009
14,646
11,412
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Vacationland
In the live version of Silver and Gold on Rattle & Hum, Bono goes on a preachy rant that represents why people hate him.

U2 - Silver and Gold (live Rattle & Hum)

Yep, silver and gold. This song was written in a hotel room in New York city 'round the time a friend of ours, Little Steven, was
Putting together a record of artists against apartheid. This is a song written about a man in a shanty town outside of
Johannesburg. A man who's sick and tired of looking down the barrel of white South Africa. A man who is at the point where
He is ready to take up arms against his oppressor. A man who has lost faith in the peacemakers of the west while they argue
And while they fail to support a man like bishop Tutu and his request for economic sanctions against South Africa.
Am I buggin' you? I don't mean to bug ya.
Okay Edge, play the blues.
 

HecticArt

Administrator
Oct 19, 2008
41,025
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168
Toledo, Ohio
My older daughter hates this song. It starts out nice, but the monologue gets creepy-guy rapey.

Shawn Mullins – Light You Up

Everybody wants a flat screen
Everybody wanna be seen
Everybody wanna be famous
Ain't nobody gonna blame us

Everybody wants a real deal
Everybody wanna cop a good feel
Everybody want more money
Everybody wants a taste of your honey

Everybody wants to pick of your guitar
Everybody wanna ride in your fast car
Everybody wants a puff of your pipe dream
Everybody wanna lick of your ice-cream

The preacher wanna tell ya how to live right
Your mama and your daddy got you uptight
Your lover gonna go and pick another fight
I just wanna keep you up all night
I think I remember that from a movie.
 

sadchild

Dude
Mar 28, 2016
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www.asimplecomplex.com
The Beastie Boys were amazing. But leave Mike D on his own, and you get some really weird shit.

"Some Dumb Cop Gave Me Two Tickets Already" (b-side to "Shadrach")

Yeah, I remember the first time I saw you
And you were standing there looking all lovely and everything
I went over, you know
And I started smelling your ass
...
Your mother came over
She was looking kinda nice, you know
Uhh, you wouldn't believe what she was wearing under that dress, you know
Anyway, so
You know, one thing led to another
You know, I'm real sorry you had to walk in like that and see
Hey, shit happens, you know


"Netty's Girl" (b-side to "Pass The Mic")

How's your girl, Mike?
Ah, she's pretty nice, man, but I tell you, yo
I saw the other girl at Netty's the other day
And she had her shit together
I'm talkin' about yep! pop! pow!
Boomin' system up top, in the back


"Boomin' Granny" (b-side to "Jimmy James")

Ahh, yeah, this one's dedicated to all the ladies in the front, the back
All the older ladies out there
Lookin' nice, you know who you are
Hoo...

[rest of the song is about having the hots for an elderly lady]

"Honky Rink" (b-side to "Gratitude)

Please clear the ice for the Zamboni
Thank you
Couples only for the next five minutes, please
And a special round of applause for our Zamboni driver, Mario Caldato
Thank you
Thank you
"Honky rink"
We have coupons available for a special for children only
From 4 to 6 on Thursday the 22nd
Thank you
We're having a sale on new blades at the skate shop
Thank you
Honky rink
White people only for the next five minutes, please
[skaters start booing]
 

sadchild

Dude
Mar 28, 2016
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I've always thought this is an odd monologue. It's at the end of 3rd Bass "The Gas Face". In the song they talk about rappers who 'stink', and therefore make you wince and hold your nose like someone just farted (because they're so bad at rapping).

Yo, who gets the Gas Face?
Little Vic for the Gas Face
Tony Dick, gets the Gas Face
No Gas Faces for Plugs One Two and Three
No Gas Face for Professor Prince Pa-paul!
My friend Tina gets the big Gas Face
No Gas Face for DJ Subroc
No Gas Face for KMD
Hammer, shut the fuck up! Gas Face! AHUAHAUAH!
What do we think about Hammer? AHUAHAUAH!BBHB
G.Y.P, Get Yours Posse does not get the Gas Face
But P. W. Botha gets a Gas Face AHUAHAUAH!
Dante Ross gets the Gas Face
Yo stop dissin' Dante on records y'all!
Elroy.. Elroy.. Elroy Cohen, gets the Gas Face!
Hahahahahaha, that's all.
 

sadchild

Dude
Mar 28, 2016
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Uh, just heard this one for the first time right now. Intentionally gross, but certainly qualifies as an awkward monologue for sure.

Blink 182 "When You Fucked Grandpa"

This is fucking stupid, man, I can't believe you'd have sex with your own grandfather, I mean, you guys are related, what's he gonna do? Take out his false teeth and just leave them on the side of your bed? Man, you like to fuck him in the butt and have everyone come in and watch and masturbate and cum all over the place? This is stupid, I hate you all, I'm not even gonna have sex with my mom tonight, man, this is stupid! I hate you!
 
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Channel98

Don't yell or hit.
Feb 2, 2019
4,215
1,423
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Glendale CA
Here is one of the worst songs ever recorded: Shabop Shalom by Devendra Banhart. He performed at the Whisky A Go-Go in West Hollywood in the early 2000s before getting a recording contract. The song is about a Jamaican boy courting a rabbi's daughter. The spoken-word passages are cringeworthy: "My sweet Tel-Avivian lamb's bread, my heart can act as an emollient and you'll never ever say 'Get bent!'" "Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia can be a fun ordeal. I swear by Solomon's seal." Gak! Or should I say "Oy vey!" By the way, hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia is the fear of the number 666.


 

scotchandcigar

arrogant bastard
Feb 13, 2009
14,646
11,412
168
Vacationland
First Wave featured this awesome song yesterday, which transports me right back to the beginning of the New Wave. And as a bonus, it contains 2 silly monologues!

Tubeway Army (Gary Numan) – Are “Friends” Electric?

So now I'm alone
Now I can think for myself
About little deals
And issues
And things that I just don't understand
Like a white lie that night
Or a slight touch at times
I don't think it meant anything to you

So I find out your reason
For the phone calls and smiles
And it hurts
And I'm lonely
And I should never have tried
And I missed you tonight
So it's time to leave
You see this means everything to me
 
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Channel98

Don't yell or hit.
Feb 2, 2019
4,215
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Glendale CA
"I know what you must be saying to yourselves: If that's the way she feels about it, why doesn't she just end it all? Oh no, not me. I'm not ready for that final disappointment." Uhh, no, actually I was not saying that to myself – but now that you mention it.......