I mean eating/drinking flesh and blood shoulda been a bit of a heads up.
A conversation between Jesus and God (Eddie Izzard):
”Then l did the Last Supper, gave them some wine, said it was my blood.”
”You said what?”
”’This wine is my blood.’ I was trying to make a ceremony.”
”But that’s vampirism. Vampiric thing, drink my blood, you’ve got pagan things right on day one of the new religion!”
”Oh, sorry.”
”Why didn’t you say, ‘Drink this wine, it’s a Merlot?”’
”Oh, yeah.”
”Did you say anything else?”
”What do you mean?”
”After the wine thing, did you say anything else that might have screwed things up for ever and ever?”
”Nnnno...”
”Nothing at all?”
”Nnnno...”
”Nothing about bread?”
”Yyyyes...”
”What did you say?”
”I said, ‘Eat this bread, it is… my.... favorite.’ Because it was hot and had all the crinkly bits in it and I loved it and… I said it was my body, OK?”
”That’s cannibalism! Vampirism and cannibalism right at the beginning!"
...
”Oh, all right.”
”Well, what would you have done?”
”I would’ve done cheese and wine, they go together better. ’Eat this cheese, it is my body’.”
”But it’s Judea, Dad, cheese melts.”
”All right, ‘eat this cheese, it is my central nervous system’.”
”Oh, God.”
”Listen, eat these chicken drumsticks, they are my legs, eat these carrots, they are my arms, eat this tomato, it is my head and eat these oysters, they are my kneecaps.”
”If you do that, Dad, your communion’s gonna have priests with trays going, ’Who ordered the body of Christ, then?”’
