Listening to an old show. And here's another Howard quote about marriage from 2002. My morbid fascination continues...
Dec 22, 2002:
Howard: I don't want some girl who's gonna sit there and be all needy and high maintenance. [Beth] can go off and do her thing; I can do my thing, and that's it. That's it. It's what I'm looking for. She's what I'm looking for.
Caller: Never gonna get married?
Howard: No.
Caller: How could you not marry her?
Robin: He's cracking, even now. I was thinking about this this morning. He's weakening.
Howard: Why do you say that, Robin?
Robin: I'm not gonna tell you, so you can sure up your defenses.
Howard: Why? Cuz you think I got a dog?
Robin: No.
Howard: Why?
Robin: I just see little cracks.
Artie: Wow.
Howard: No. No crack.
Robin: Uh, he's not aware.
Howard: Say no to crack!
Artie: What do you think will happen-
Robin: He's not aware of it.
Howard: Tell me what it is. Come on. Come on. Don't be like that. Help me out.
Robin: I observe you, and there are little things.
Howard: I have a no marriage edict.
Robin: I know what your edicts are like. You had a marriage edict at one time.
Howard: Well, that's true.
Caller: Howard, the only reason I can see why you wouldn't marry Beth - in the back of your mind, you're worried it's gonna fall apart and you're gonna...
Howard: No. That's not it. That is not it.
Robin: He will marry. Don't worry.
Howard: Nope. Why?
Robin: Don't worry. Mark my words.
Howard: Why do you say it? Why do you say that?
Robin: I listen to you, Howard.
Howard: What did I say? Just give me an example.
Robin: You're talking yourself into it even as we speak.
Howard: Alright, tell me why.
Artie: Wow.
Howard: Tell me how.
Robin: Why should I tell you? Let it happen.
Howard: Because you don't have an answer.
Robin: I do. I absolutely do.
Howard: Oh, I hate, Robin, when you carry on like you have a theory and you don't even want to put it out there. See, that's cowardly.
Robin: Alright, you wanna know?
Howard: Yes.
Robin: There's just little things that you've been saying. Every time you talk about a guy who is happy in his marriage, you go, "And he's happy!"
Howard: Yes. I'm shocked.
Robin: And that's your questioning, "Could I be happy?"
Artie: Hmmm.
Howard: Ok. Alright. Alright. That's true.
Robin: That's a question you shouldn't be asking if you don't want to get married.
Howard: But I never asked, "Could I be happy?" You think I asked that.
Robin: You're asking that. Otherwise you wouldn't have that reaction, you'd just say, "He's very happy" - boom boom boom - on you go. But you go "And he's happy! I can't believe it!"
Howard: Well, I can't. I'm in shock.
Robin: And you're then thinking, "Well then maybe something's there?"
Howard: No, no. Don't make that leap for me.
Robin: Absolutely.
Artie: That's a big leap.
Robin: I know how your mind works.
Howard: Don't make that leap.
Robin: Artie, trust me.
Artie: Really? But that is a pretty big...
Howard: Don't make that leap.
Robin: Trust me.
Artie: Alright.
Caller: Robin, do you see Howard having kids with Beth?
Robin: It could happen.
Howard: *groans* You are insane.
...
Robin: One of the parties I go to will be [Howard's] wedding.
Stuttering John: Whoa!
Howard: You see I love Beth, Right?
Robin: Absolutely.
Howard: Ok. Love is all that matters.
Stuttering John: Hey Howard, can I ask you a question?
Howard: Yeah.
Stuttering John: Let's say it's three years from now.
Howard: Go ahead.
Stuttering John: Beth starts getting the itch to get married.
Howard: Go ahead.
Robin: Forget her itch. He's the person.
Stuttering John: Ok. She goes to you, "Listen. Y'know, I wanna..."
Howard: She would never do that. She would never say to me that.
Stuttering John: But suppose she started hinting it, you don't think you'd-
Howard: I'd address it but I'd say, "Listen-
Robin: Howard's gonna do this all on his own.
Caller: And let's be honest, Howard, the more time you put with Beth, the more she's gonna feel she's entitled to be part of your life.
Robin: Howard's gonna do this on his own.
Howard: Beth is not an entitled person.
Stuttering John: You know what? He has another family now, Howard - Beth, Bianca.
Robin: Howard's gonna do this all on his own.
Gary: I don't know about that.
Howard: [Joking] Alright, we're already married. I didn't wanna tell you.
Robin: You can 'not know' all you want.
Gary: I don't know that Howard's gonna do it on his own. Because Howard's been staying the line pretty steady right from the get-go. It's like "Everything's good, I like it the way it is." And let's face it, if any guy could keep it the way it is, they would.
Howard: Right. I ain't changing. Why would I get married? I don't want to have more kids.
Robin: He's changing. Howard's changing.
Howard: I do not want more kids. Why am I changing?
Robin: Howard's changing.
Gary: I see the dynamic between you two.
Howard: Howard's changing?
Robin: He is falling more and more in love, and he keeps looking at these others going "Wow, I could probably make that leap." He's gonna say it.
Howard: I looked at Stuttering John, I looked at Baba Booey.
Robin: No don't look at Stuttering John!
Howard: And these guys all married attractive women.
Robin: Keep looking at the people you look at.
Howard: These guys all married attractive women and marriage doesn't work.
Stuttering John: What are you talking about??
Robin: Yours will. You know you can do it better than anybody.
Howard: "I'll be different" - yeah. That's where I know I need my head examined.
Gary: You know where I see you faltering? It used to be when you were married and were not as happy but we didn't know it. You used to ask a lot about people's marriages to see what was wrong with them. Now, Robin's right. Now you seem to be asking a lot to see what's right with them.
Howard: Yes I do. I do.
Robin: Now tell me that's not on the way.
Howard: That's from therapy.
Robin: And that's just the other part of it. The more you open up, the easier it's gonna be for you to do it.
Gary: You're changing.
Howard: I'm quitting therapy.
Stuttering John: You don't think you're ever gonna wanna, like, surprise Beth and make her happy and give her, like, an engagement-
Howard: She's happy. She doesn't need to be married. Being with me is all the happiness a woman needs.
Robin: You guys are asking all the wrong questions. It's happened already. It's a done deal.
Howard: You're insane.
Stuttering John: You know what? She's not doing this for the air. She really believes this.
Howard: Oh she does! She's no phony.
Robin: I told you this months ago.
Stuttering John: I know. She told me- We were driving in the car. She told me this five months ago.
Gary: I think I know when the wedding is too. The wedding is January 2nd in three years, so you don't have to deal with it on the radio.
Howard: *chuckles* Yeah! Oh, oh, oh!
Robin: Yeah, right!
Howard: And none of you are invited.
Robin: He probably won't even tell us!
