Ok, I have thought about this post. If you decide to read on please understand that this will be what I am calling a stream of consciousness, open ended, lifestyle rambling diary post.
You still in? Well don't say I didn't warn you.
Like 85% of the time I am 100% delighted with my life. Let's break down the good parts/85% first. Through luck of the draw (thanks being born to cool parents) and a small amount of work and you know, being loving to people, I've been able to create a life for myself where I have somewhat of a head on my shoulders, a few family members I love as much as life and a pet that I would rather die than see anything bad happen to. I am very far from rich (I'm clearly working class) but I've never had to seriously worry about bills or stuff like that or even work very hard. I'm kinda lazy (I very much enjoy wasting hours away w/TV and internet) and yet I've figured out a way to live that way and still be good financially. I've found a way where while I would like to have more money, the money I have is more than enough for a single guy to live a kinda awesome life, but it could be better. Plus I can pretty much have fun whenever I want. Wanna go have fun at a Vida Blue show in Little Havana on like a Tuesday? Like $120 for the whole night, total, no worries...with buying girls a few drinks and ya know, like 50/50 things may happen. Just play the numbers game after meeting some cutie Spanish randos. More importantly, Disney. WDW is a thing I truly love. I understand it's kinda weird but it's a hobby I love and it brings me great joy. Every single time I drive into epcot and see Spaceship Earth, or see the Castle from the monorail or just see the Disney archway while driving onto the property it brings me elated happiness. I live a life where I can do that like 30 times a year. I know it's nostalgia and family thoughts that bring me most of that elation but I don't care. It's just nice to be happy.
So there's the good stuff...and it's pretty good. But some of the good stuff also bleeds into the bad stuff.
Here we go, the 15%...
Companionship, mentality and money.
I told ya I'm lazy. Ya don't get serious relationships at 37 when you barely want to work and watch TV and play Nintendo and go to Disney all day. Also if ya want to get married and shit ya gotta be at least somewhat ambitious. I don't have that. My last 2 ex's...I think I told you about them....the Jewish girl and Memphis girl??? I told you abt them right? I completely lied to them about my job (they never found out. One ghosted me and I ghosted the other after a few fun dates each.) The one I actually loved, 3 ex's ago, I fucked up with being a drinker. I've I stopped the substance stuff before for rather long periods so at least I know how to, but when bad shit happens I kinda find my way back to it. So fuck. I would like to have a woman in my life that could become a wife but my head is fucked up for multiple reasons I mentioned and what girl would want to hitch her wagon to that shit? Like 2 years from now I will have some pretty serious money but in the meantime I will very likely fuck everything up. Not to say I'm not incredibly generous. When I'm with someone I want to start things with I'm totally willing to let all my time and stuff go to them. But also, I don't love putting myself out there. I mean ya know, getting laid is one thing that's not (super) difficult when the need arises but at my age I want something more. And I don't really have any close friends either, besides my roomie (plus not to be gay but you guys too, and Wolf. Not sure that he counts though because I do actually want to engage in intercourse with him.) So that kinda sucks too. How do you make friends as an adult man? Just seems weird.
Alright, alright...fuck everything. Now I'm getting upset. I made it clear this was a stream of consciousness shit. I'll figure it out or I won't. I don't need any help or advice from you guys...sorry, not trying to be mean. I just wanted to rant and clearly DRC has been my diary (a man shouldn't have a diary) since like 2006. Strong, silent (and sometimes silly) type is best. Besides the silly, I guess I'm not that.
I am well aware I live a life that could me WAY worse. Like I said, 85% is REALLY good times. This fella's life is pretty damn good.
If ya made it this far I guess shit, sorry ya had to read all that nonsense. So there it is, all laid out. Hah. Hope it was slightly entertaining.
EDIT: I double type simple verbs and conditionals a lot like "can" and "if". Then I feel the need to go back and edit them out of my posts so I don't sound like an illiterate asshole. Boom. This is my second edit today where I felt the need to show you guys I have at least a minor command of English writing.